Viva Las Vegas...

I’m going to be out of the office until Thursday, spending some time in Sin City with my Special Lady Friend. We’ll rock this shit when I get back. Until then, an open thread! The subject: the worst show you’ve ever played. I’ll start:

In 1992, SMG was opening for KMFDM on the Angstfest tour, and we played in Palo Alto at a venue who’s name escapes me. I recall it was in a large Quansit hut, if that helps anyone, and it may or may not have been called The Edge. KMFDM traveled with a large P.A. that was about 3/5ths subs. These subs lined the entire front of the stage at most places we played, providing a de facto stage extension for those lead singers inclined to do Lead Singer Stuff in front of the monitor line. (I was, up until that day, just such a person.)

Normally, the edges of these subs would be marked with white tape, because seeing the difference between a black sub and black nothing isn’t easy in a dark club. This day, for some reason, they never got marked. Around mid-way in to our set, I was out in front doing whatever dumb shit I earnestly did back then, walking along, when I discovered the hard way that there was (unusually) space between the subs. For the record, I’m 6’ 4” tall. These subs were 6’ tall. So I essentially disappeared, guitar and all, causing much curiosity among my band-mates. (And, knowing the group I had at the time, a certain sense of relief, no doubt.)

Much like falling in to a swimming pool, there is simply no way to recover from such a thing and look cool at the same time. I’ve been spit on, called every name in the book up to and including (inexplicably, given my general pallor) a nigger, punched, kicked, had full beer bottles thrown at me, guns pulled on me, got a mouthful of chipped teeth with a side order of meaty lip chunks and Beta 58 windscreen on many occasions, body-tackled, electrocuted, and generally mis-used throughout my tenure on stage, but that is the one moment I really wish I could have back.