Cage match!!!

Yes, it’s true. I’m feeling a bit silly today. In that light, Cage vs. Cage. In the blue corner, weighing in at roughly 185 lbs, movie star Nick Cage. In the red corner, weighing in at an estimated “wet sock,” John Cage.

1. Nick Cage’s real name is Nick Coppola. But he didn’t want to trade on Uncle Francis’ good name, which is pretty cool. John Cage’s real name is John Cage, which is pretty cool in and of itself. Push.

2. John Cage is most famous for “composing” 4’33”, which is four minutes and thirty-three seconds of silence. Nick Cage would probably be well-served by shutting the fuck up now and again. Point to John Cage.

3. John Cage collected mushrooms. Nick Cage collects Elvis memorabilia. Push.

4. John Cage’s middle name is “Milton.” Nick Cage’s middle name is “Kim.” Point to John Cage.

5. John Cage is well known for introducing the idea of adding chaotic elements to music. Nick Cage is fucking nuts. Point to Nick Cage.

6. Nick Cage made his film debut in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.” John Cage did not. Point to John Cage.

It’s clear that in the match of the Cages, John Cage is the obvious winner. Wikipedia states that Nick Cage took his nom de plume as a result of being a fan of either John Cage or the Marvel Comics hero Luke Cage. Knowing what I know about Nick Cage, I’d assume the latter. He did name his son Kal-El, after all.