How To Not Win Friends, Part 1

Something that comes down the pipe at AD HQ quite frequently are letters from woefully misguided companies (usually magazines) that want to “partner” with us. Usually that partnership involves them spending our money. But today, I got one that takes the cake. I copied and pasted this directly from the e-mail; all emphasis, spelling errors, and grammatical tragedies are the author’s:

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This is Erin Lee the Marketing/Advertising Director at HM Magazine. HM is the leading Christian Hard Music Magazine and we are doing our annual Gear Special Feature. THIS IS DEFINITALY YOUR DEMOGRAPHIC and I was wondering if you would be interested in advertising with us.
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Oh, dear sweet baby Jeebus. Where do I start? If it’s the “leading Christian Hard Music Magazine,” does that mean there are more than one? I could really go to town on this, but I’ll leave it to you. Needless to say, making fun of Christians isn’t really very exciting; they’re so miffy that it really takes the fun out of it. I’m sure this post will engender several emails, the content of which will be “I’m Christian, and I find your latest post offensive, and could you please stop?”

I’m so fucking sick of Christians. I swear to christ. They make Diamond Dave look like good company. (And to our European readers, yes, all Americans are insane. I’ll back up any statement you’d like to make in that regard.)