Like any sub-genre, our new style needs a set of rules, so a particular song or artist can be classified as such. In that light, I propose the following Ten Commandments Of Grindhouse, a paradigm set for our new genre. I intend this genre to be entirely open source, so the Commandments may be altered as a result of discussion, here or elsewhere. But we have to start somewhere, right? In that light, here's what I submit:

1: Thou Shalt Have A Monster Foot. Of course, the root of all house music is a 909 kick in a four-on-the-floor pattern. Grindhouse, since it is a sub-set of house, will have the same. However, our foot will be large. It should dominate the track entirely. In that light, the foot should have a healthy dose of plate reverb. But it needs to start life as a 909-flavored kick; that really goes without saying.

2: Thou Shalt Eschew Chord Progressions. Pick a fucking note and hammer that shit in to the ground. Chord progressions are for trance, and we hates trance.

3: Thou Shalt Lovingly Embrace Distortion. Grindhouse should be HARD. Think of it as powernoise with a more defined beat and, like, music and stuff. The square wave is your friend.

4: Thou Shalt Beat An MC About The Head And Shoulders With A Blunt Object. We are of the opinion that two things are true: a DJ knows how to spin records and the crowd knows how to dance. We don't need some meth-addled MC Cul-De-Sac up on the stage shouting at people, and asking for rewinds, and all that bullshit.

5: Thou Shalt Move At A Punk-Rock Clip. Grindhouse, because it is an aggressive form of house, shall be on the speedy side. Your happy place is between 140 and 150. You dip below 138 at your peril.

6: Thou Shalt Smash Thy VCR. Movie samples are so 1989. They shall be avoided like the plague that they are.

7: Thou Shalt Place Thy Bass In The Driver Seat. In Grindhouse, our bassline and our melody are the same motherfucking thing. Stack for attack.

8: Thou Shalt Glitch Thy Percussion. If it isn't a foot, it gets all fucked up. Get your favorite beat mangler and put it on every track.

9: Thou Shalt Restrain Thyself From 16-measure Snare Rolls. Grindhouse has sudden transitions. If someone wants gradual dynamics so they know when to spin their glowsticks and raise their arms, might we point them towards Ibeza?

10: Thou Shalt Break It Down. The breakdowns in Grindhouse, an essentially pad-free environment, shall be rhythmic in nature, with the glitchy beats.

There we have it. I'm essentially describing a punkier, glitchier form of house that is hard as hell. The next step is for the Analog Industries community to discuss and fine-tune our ruleset, and then make and release a comp. Obviously, a little audio example would help, so here 'tis, an intro and a couple go-rounds of a main section. In it, the major points above are described, I think. Discuss.

EDIT: I've made changes to the MP3 to take in to account the incredibly helpful suggestions offered forth. Here 'tis. I made the lead/bass more grindish, less ravish, and the offending 909 hat has been bit-reduced in to submission.

Note that, despite evidence to the contrary, I wasn't saying "hey, here's a grandiose idea that will change the face of electronic music." Rather, it was an attempt at ironic humor. I guess I should have put the sarcasm tags around the whole post. My thinking was that most electronic music genres spring from thin air, via someone coming up with an interesting idea that is somewhat outside a genre, and about 500 other producers trying to cash in on the sound. I thought it would be funny to create a ready-made genre, with malice aforethought. Perhaps I should have said that in the beginning of the post, as exactly two responders have got the joke. I have to say that, for most of you, subtlety is not your strong suit.