November 6, 2007

Really?

by Chris Randall
 

Just shoot me. Seriously. Take a .44 Magnum, put it against my temple, and pull the fucking trigger. I can't take it any more. I could, and would, until I read this.


There's one thing I'd like to say to all the right-handed people out there: Go Fuck Yourselves. Believe it or not, we're not cripples. We are, in fact, a more advanced model. Deal with it. (And the first person that posts "I would have been left-handed, but They made me change" can go fuck yourself twice as hard, after you've been banned.)

 
 
 

19 comments:

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Nov.06.2007 @ 9:24 PM
maz
Well, I'll be that person you say to go fuck themselves. I had the ruler and everything. I still can't write with my right hand, or do much with it. So regardless of what happened I'm 100% left handed.

As for that site, who needs something special to play guitar? I played it for years with no problems. There's tons of great guitarists that play left handed, let's just say Hendrix.

I do have to say, fuck the right handed world though. I'm tired of notebooks and scissors that are for those people. It's no wonder I don't like to write and let someone else decypher my hand writing.

 
 

 
Nov.06.2007 @ 9:59 PM
moyashi
CR, why so hot under the collar? It's just their pitiful marketing strategy. Really, this should be beneath your notice. They probably couldn't make a good guitar. You know the saying, "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach." Not the nicest or even most accurate aphorism, but perhaps apt in this case...
 
 

 
Nov.06.2007 @ 10:19 PM
Adam Schabtach
You wanna talk about more advanced models? I'm ambidextrous, so, like, bite me.

Actually, I'm sort of weirdly mixed. I do a lot of stuff left-handed, including using hand drills and Atari paddle controllers. I mouse with either hand, switching back and forth to reduce the chance of a RSI. Etc.

In any case, I never understood why lefties wouldn't just play right-handed guitars and revel in the dexterity of their fretting hand. Maybe they do...?

BTW, those who can't teach, teach gym.

--Adam


 
 

 
Nov.06.2007 @ 10:32 PM
Chris Randall
I actually do play right-handed guitar; I can fret all day long, as fast as any good guitarist, and complicated chords are no problem at all, but my timing (via the strumming hand) is for shit.

In any event, what set me off was this sentence in the press release:

"For the first time, individuals can achieve the rock stardom of other great left-handed players, such as Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and Paul McCartney."

Well, that and the third root canal in as many months. But there are so many logical fallacies in that sentence, I don't even know where to start.

But to Maz, my solution to spiral-bound notebooks (and all notebooks, for that matter...) is thus: start in the back. Scissors are torture devices meant to show us our place in the world. For what it's worth, Home Depot sells a left-handed hammer, of all things.

-CR

 
 

 
Nov.06.2007 @ 10:51 PM
inteliko
My guitar teacher told me he makes lefties play righty, and CR you are not the first lefty I met who plays righty, pardon my ignorance but why not just play lefty?
 
 

 
Nov.06.2007 @ 11:34 PM
Cain Torst
I myself am left-handed and a left-handed guitarist. When I began to play, or took up the instrument as a teenager, I actually had to -decide- which way I wanted to play. I had the odd choice of rationalizing the availability of guitars and such for a right-hander vs. a lefty. The notion I would ever be hindering myself or would somehow 'play differently' was most definitely never something that entered my head. I figured, though, that I could probably learn to do it either way, as it was early in my learning process.

To think now, in retrospect, why I ever entertained the notion of playing right-handed, personally, is beyond me. Nothing would have ever felt right at all. It is almost as assinine to me as the notion of making a right-hander play with a lefty guitar. Why?

Now, I had, in the not so distant past, a bandmate who berrated me for being a lefty guitarist. I truely don't get where that comical level of ignorance comes from. I furthermore don't know why and how it continues to be perpetuated in that kind of bullshit marketing scheme.

 
 

 
Nov.07.2007 @ 12:20 AM
Chris Randall
As far as the first paragraph of Cain's comment goes, I was in _exactly_ the same boat. My first guitar was a white Flying V ordered out of the Sears catalog c. 1981 or so, and the reason I ordered a Flying V was that it was symmetrical and I could try stringing it both ways without any change in the body shape.

In any event, I decided to play right-handed because I was having a really hard time groping out those first C and G chords with my right hand; when I restrung the guitar right-handed, I could make the chords much easier. Knowing now what I know then, I realize that it was retarded, but, well, you know how it goes. Believe it or not, another deciding factor for me was that I didn't think I'd be able to play any ol' guitar that was lying about (c. at a party, to impress girls, what have you) if I only knew how to play left-handed. That turned out to be true. Some things make sense when you're 13. Others don't.

I've tried a couple times to switch to lefty, and practiced enough lefty to where I can strum out some simple shit without embarrassment. But I'm 39 now; I'm going to play guitar right-handed the rest of my life, and I'll just have to live with that fact.

-CR

 
 

 
Nov.07.2007 @ 12:45 AM
inasilentway
I played in a band with a lefty guitarist, and once he broke a string onstage. No replacement strings, no backup guitars, we're totally fucked. Well, go figure, the guitarist for one of the other bands on the bill was a lefty, with almost the exact same Strat, and our asses were saved. We all thanked our lucky stars and our next show our guitarist wisely showed up with a backup, seeing as how the odds of that event repeating itself were roughly one in a kajillion.
 
 

 
Nov.07.2007 @ 12:49 AM
stiff
>> "but my timing (via the strumming hand) is for shit"

Well Chris, that don't mean a thing, because so is the case with most right handed players I know as well!

Regarding the press release - damn that's funny! It must have been one of the more stupid things I've read in a long time (and I read a lot of press releases). Now I have to go fuck myself because I happen to be right handed.

 
 

 
Nov.07.2007 @ 3:04 AM
dogmeat
I'm right-handed, played right-handed for 30 years.

Yet I still jack off leftie. Go figure.

 
 

 
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