June 13, 2007

Ah, the beach in the summer, just me and my keytar...

by Chris Randall
 



I've tried to tone down my hating on this site (don't hate the player, hate the game, right?) but sometimes you just can't stop yourself. Or at least I can't. Such is the case when Wade sent me a link to Key Orchestra. I don't feel bad about hating on them, because they're signed to a management sweat shop, and thus guilty of the most unpardonable of sins in my eyes.


(I'll grant that they're only the recipients of that saddest of sloppy seconds, a development deal, as far as I can tell, but still, there's no fucking excuse. But then, I guess someone has to stamp the license plates, right?)


But if you need some quick chuckles, have a gander at the pics on the sub-site, and marvel at the number of knobs and faders on that mouse as they burn through their demo deal money using the same ProTools everyone else has.

 
 
 

18 comments:

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Jun.13.2007 @ 10:04 PM
RexRhino
So is it two guys and two chicks, or three guys and one chick. The one with the bright red hair has some gender issues.
 
 

 
Jun.13.2007 @ 10:30 PM
boobs
that's some awful music. the tracks on their site sound like the stuff that was played in the mall scene of 'bill and ted's excellent adventure' but w/o all the charm of keannu reeves' presence.
 
 

 
Jun.13.2007 @ 10:45 PM
revmutt
wait.. Are those LIGHT cigarettes on the console?
 
 

 
Jun.13.2007 @ 10:57 PM
chromium
while the general wankery is enjoyable for all, is there any way you could translate some of that into english for the amateur/non-industry folks in the audience? specifically, management sweat shop, development deal, unpardonable sins...
 
 

 
Jun.13.2007 @ 11:23 PM
ecallender
I heard the lead guy, Andre Morgunoff, is dating Linda Evans.
 
 

 
Jun.14.2007 @ 12:01 AM
Chris Randall
Management Sweat Shop: a company like Atlantic Artists that signs anybody, then charges them for various "legal services."

(e.g. you can probably read between the lines here: link [www.atlantic-arts.co...]">link [www.atlantic-arts.co...] )

These sorts of companies sign pretty much all comers; this, in and of itself, is a warning sign. Believe me when I say this: you NEVER have to look for management. When you need it, it will appear. Good managers have their ears to the ground, and the ones in your area will know about you by the time you need one. Until that occurs, you can do most management tasks yourself, or your girlfriend/whatever can do them.

With someone like Atlantic, you'll accrue all kinds of charges that you may or may not have to pay for on the spot; then, in the event you get signed (which will most definitely be due to your hard work and not theirs) they'll take a huge chunk of your first advance, and all this for doing shit you can basically do yourself.

A development deal is a little better than the bargain basement type of thing a company like this offers. What they do then is, because you have "potential" or whatever, they'll front money for a "real" studio and perhaps a "producer" of some sort. Then they'll press your "album" and send it to every warm body in the music industry. In the event something actually occurs from this, they'll take almost all of the front money to pay back their "expenses." Note that almost all of these charges occurred by the money being shuttled around in-house.

These sorts of companies are easy to spot. All you have to do is look for the warning signs. Something like this, for instance:

"One of the main offices and studios of Atlantic-Artists is located in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Atlantic City is America's second-largest center of the entertainment industry after Las Vegas - it is situated on the ocean shore, near New York, Washington, Baltimore, and Philadelphia. Our city is a beautiful and prestigious location for creative work, relaxation, and business meetings regarding contracts. European office located in Frankfurt am Main, Germany."

The big management companies worth a shit are in L.A., New York, Nashville, and Chicago. Vegas and Atlantic City (and Frankfurt, for that matter) are consumers of media, not creators.

-CR

 
 

 
Jun.14.2007 @ 12:12 AM
ecallender
Hey, CR! Is Belize a "center"? A guy down there does excellent dupacation of my CDs and massive tours... with views.
 
 

 
Jun.14.2007 @ 12:25 AM
quantize
oh dear, oh dear... that was like being transported into some Bizaro (Superman reference there) Eurovision contest..

i could only bare about 60 seconds of the clips on their own site because some unpardonable sin which demonstrated a genuine ignorance of any of the styles of music or taste was being committed..

and yes CR is right about management deals..

i learnt quickly...make sure you HAVE something (ie an income, sales and gigs) before even pondering the concept, and even then, they will be knocking on your door, rather than the other way...

anyhow, poor beggars, they seem tragically ignorant..

 
 

 
Jun.14.2007 @ 1:34 AM
cacealian
I'm an idiot. I actually listened to some of the tracks - AFTER I looked at the picture section. Only myself to blame...
 
 

 
Jun.14.2007 @ 3:00 AM
scientist
they do sound shady, but then this misspelling makes me somehow more intrigued as to what it is they're offering:

"Send information about your project through E-mailing-list Atlantic-Artits (over 1,000,000 address)."

flash some art tits and i'll sign anything.

 
 

 
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