April 21, 2007

1-800-FUKTARD

by Chris Randall
 

While it is certainly true that in order to make a living in the music business, you're going to have to swallow your pride at some point, I'm of the firm opinion that you have to draw the line. Diamond Dave is the Fucktard Event Horizon, of course, as one can't be a bigger fucktard, but there's a huge swath of the entertainment industry that exists in that purgatory between "getting by" and "over the edge."


Weren't we just talking about Genesis? That's just creepy. I'm never going to look at a soprano sax as a potential lead instrument ever again after seeing that. What is it about soprano sax players and perms? Does playing the instrument with any proficiency (and I use that term loosely) also inform your hair style? And can't a soprano sax play in tune? Is it that hard?


In any case, more power to 'em for making a living making music. Somebody has to do it, I guess. Alex Byrd is to blame for bringing this to my attention.

 
 
 

30 comments:

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Apr.21.2007 @ 8:42 PM
Chris Randall
I was going to mention Bennie, actually. For what it's worth, he's a little out of tune too, but he's flat (bluesy and nice) versus sharp (Kenny G/Mariah Carey punch me in the ears), and that's fine.

-CR

 
 

 
Apr.21.2007 @ 8:42 PM
noisegeek
Branford Marsalis. Especially the stuff he did when Kenny Kirkland was on keys.
But yes, at this point putting the words "smooth" and "jazz" next to each other ought to be justification for homicide.
 
 

 
Apr.21.2007 @ 8:53 PM
boobs
that stuff is the soundtrack to diarrhea.

i tried to figure out if they were enjoying themselves but i decided they had to be really stoned in order to not care.

 
 

 
Apr.21.2007 @ 8:53 PM
space_monkey
What about john zorn? At least he's the least offensive current proponent of the soprano that I can think of, though i like the stuff that he composes (lke the bar kohba sextet) a lot better than the stuff he plays. What I don't get about the soprano sax is that the clarinet is such a great instrument, and it's already there, so why do people gotta go and fuck with it, make it out of metal, give it a conical bore, and make it sound like shit, you know?
 
 

 
Apr.21.2007 @ 11:28 PM
penzoil washington
I don't even love soprano when Coltrane plays it. My Yamha VL70 actually does a great soprano, including chaotic shrieking. And it's in tune, if I want.
 
 

 
Apr.21.2007 @ 11:29 PM
penzoil washington
PS: I met Bennie Maupin at the Headhunters reunion sessions my friend was engineering, and he is as cool a guy as he is a player.
 
 

 
Apr.22.2007 @ 12:20 AM
space_monkey
Upon reflection, it probably says something when the least offensive living proponent of an instrument plays a style of music called "skronk."
 
 

 
Apr.22.2007 @ 1:18 AM
giantm
All bets are off when you're talking smooth jazz. You have to question any genre that thinks of 1993 as it's high water mark.
 
 

 
Apr.22.2007 @ 1:29 AM
Niall
Can't say much about the music, which went in one ear and out the other, but if one's fashion sense is a serious criterion, then there are so many fucktards out there, the epithet is toothless. You looked like something out of a rough trade advert in the 90s, Mr. Randall.
 
 

 
Apr.22.2007 @ 2:04 AM
klemen
What about Wayne Shorter then?

I wanted to say Dave Liebman (but I really don't like his style at all). Steve Lacy's cool though.

k

 
 

 
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