November 9, 2006

Well, I'm sure he _meant_ well...

by Chris Randall

one bank on Vimeo

This is a prime example of how uncool the financial business can be. The male-pattern baldness and the cream-colored tie are what really set it off. DM alerted me to this, so feel free to blame him.

(Note that Vimeo ain't no YouTube. The loading takes a while sometimes. Believe me when I say it's not really worth the wait.)



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Nov.10.2006 @ 11:40 AM
From: Eddie D. Guitar
To: Johnny P. Vocalist
Subject: RE:our BoFA function musical number


I like what you had to say about the branding opportunity. I've bounced the idea around the team and they all agree it's great. One of my concerns is how we build out the chorus from the bridge. I have put my people on it. We will be conferencing tomorrow to talk to the issue. We're all really fired up to find a solution set that should solve the situation. Our current thoughts are to collectively tie-in the chorus to the bridge with some new technologies, but in my recent meeting with engineering they have some questions as to the possibility of rolling that out in time for the show.



Nov.10.2006 @ 6:07 PM
I find this ***very*** disturbing. IMHO, the guy has a pretty good voice, maybe he was in a band as a teenager. Probably worked hard doing some cool stuff to get that far. Still, the visuals (balding head, mini pot belly accentuated by ill fitting corporate issue shirt, ugly tie, , graying corporate buddy on guitar) are repulsive. The content is much worse. It's as if Paul Robeson had gone to business school and then suddenly decided that his life's work from then on would consist of singing Aunt Jemimah's commercials.

Nov.10.2006 @ 6:07 PM
no op
I kind of drifted off in the middle of that... drifted off into my little happy place that I retreat to when I'm threatened with having my soul savagely gang raped by thoughtless, greedy corporate jackasses trying to sell me something. Lately I find myself in that place ten or twenty times a day...

Anyway, in my little dream land the guy with the guitar abruptly stops playing mid song, and just kind of stares at the floor for a while, zoning out kind of like I do. The singer forges on a capella for about ten seconds, but eventually turns and gives him a nasty look that screams "This is our CHANCE, man, don't FUCK this UP for me!". The guitarist continues to stare morosely at the floor.

Eventually he stands up, picks up the mic, and says, slowly... "I just can't do this anymore. I've dedicated my whole life to lending out borrowed money at jacked up rates to people who we've convinced to buy shit they don't need. I've clawed my way to the top of a hollow, soulless corporate culture, subverting my ideals and principles, sabotaging my mentors and friends, sacrificing my family and dreams, all for the promise of some elusive brass ring that I now realize is a pointless goal anyway. And now I'm appropriating a heartfelt piece of music loved by millions, which might not be my favorite fucking song but for a lot of people in this crappy world actually means something and helps them keep going, and I'm taking that piece of art and shitting on it, so that every time these people ever hear it again throughout the course of their sad little lives they won't feel good about things for a few minutes any more like the used to whenever they heard it, but instead they'll just remember my pathetic, soulless, cracker ass up here shilling some huge, faceless corporation that's trying to fuck them over. And they'll just feel a little sick inside."

The singer glares over at him with a mix of pure anger and horror, covers the mic with his hand, and grunts "Shut the fuck up and finish the fucking song!"

"I'm sorry, man, I can't do this any more," the guitarist says shaking his head slowly and wistfully. He then lifts the guitar over his head and proceeds to smash it repeatedly into the face of the singer, who slowly crumbles onto the floor into a helpless, bloody pulp. The guitarist keeps smashing and smashing until the guitar is a broken mess of splinters and strings. He stares at it all for a few more seconds, and then drops the remains of the guitar onto the stage.

"There will be no encore!" he screams as he runs off the stage.

The crowd goes wild...


Nov.11.2006 @ 3:16 AM
Now I'm having second thoughts. Now that I watched this I felt a little sad for those two but just for a second. Even though it was corporate shill amateur hour, the music wasnt much worse than alot of what I've heard where people "poured their heart and soul" into their tunes and ended up sucking worse.

Those of you who are under 30, unmarried and working some mcjob to fund the music "career", those of you who have found a way to make the music pay for your life, yall just whisper "there but for the grace of god go I".


Nov.11.2006 @ 9:53 AM
The people to pity are the poor chumps sitting there. I love how when the moment the music start, everyone looks down and looks at their fingernails.

Nov.12.2006 @ 12:56 PM
why did my eyes have to see this!?... I will be scarred for life!

Nov.15.2006 @ 7:48 PM
It just keeps getting worse. It's now on the Yahoo homepage with the following tagline:

The Bono Of Bankers

"This BofA employee is a viral video star thanks to a heartfelt cover of a U2 classic"

Did those assfucks say "heartfelt cover"? And most of the comments on it seem to indicate that people think it's "cute".

I can only hope these people are rich business people and not the millions of sorry fuckers who are getting reamed sideways by bald business dicklings like baldy Bonowannabe.


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