October 14, 2006

Tales from the depths of customer support, Rd. 2 (Fight!)

by Chris Randall

Okay, I know I said in the last go-round that I wouldn't actually put e-mails up from customers, but this is too odd/good to pass up. Plus, judging from the tenor, it's incredibly unlikely the customer in question reads this blog. Anyways, the wife and I went up to Portland today, and when I got back, sitting in the queue was this:

Witch one of your items

Is good for changing your
Voice and also djing because I like to sound crazy on a track I want my voice to sound very crazy I did find the right software yet

Can you please call me on my cell #XXX-XXX-XXXX

Ps the best for my voice to change it thank you very much

Now, this was amusing enough in and of itself. My first impulse was to hit the "Delete" key, since I knew where this was going, but that's just not right. So, instead, I thought a little feeler would be safe. I replied:

You want to look at Discord 2. It can do crazy voice effects.

So, about ten minutes later, I get the following:

How can I get it and can it work with pro tool

And what crazy voice effect it has

Okay. Ummmm. Where do I go with that? I thought it best to nip this right in the bud, because I'm a helpful person (as many of you know that have written the AD or AI contact lines with obtuse/obscure questions, and been rewarded with a 4K missive on some topic or another) but, well, you have to draw the line. So I send back:

I'm sorry, but our products don't work with ProTools.

Now, I know that isn't strictly true, but the other half of the company thought it would be mean to sick him on Angus and FXpansion, and, well, you know. Anyways, a couple minutes later, I'm blessed with the following:

Can I use them on a pc

And how do I use it

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, give me strength. I'm afraid to reply to that one, and it is 8:00pm on Saturday, after all. Where would you go with that?



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Oct.17.2006 @ 1:11 AM
How much is that 25 cent item?

Who was buried in Grant's tomb?

Am I a moron?

How do you relocate an item on the desktop?

Question: which of these statements doesn't fit?


Oct.17.2006 @ 8:36 AM
Porco Rosso
Re: quiznos.

Sandwich is an alien term for a guy in a suit.

The answer the guy at the counter should have given him is.

"No sir, we don't sell sandwiches, we sell solutions. Tasty solutions!"

Thats what the guy in the suit was probably fishing for.


Oct.17.2006 @ 9:04 AM
You do know that no one is actually burried at Grant's tomb? He is entomed there.

Oct.17.2006 @ 12:22 PM
Chris Randall
And his wife, for what it's worth.

Viz. Quiznos, they don't sell sandwiches. They sell stomach pain. I've eaten there twice, and got sick both times. And they're slow. That shit blows.



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