October 14, 2006

Tales from the depths of customer support, Rd. 2 (Fight!)

by Chris Randall

Okay, I know I said in the last go-round that I wouldn't actually put e-mails up from customers, but this is too odd/good to pass up. Plus, judging from the tenor, it's incredibly unlikely the customer in question reads this blog. Anyways, the wife and I went up to Portland today, and when I got back, sitting in the queue was this:

Witch one of your items

Is good for changing your
Voice and also djing because I like to sound crazy on a track I want my voice to sound very crazy I did find the right software yet

Can you please call me on my cell #XXX-XXX-XXXX

Ps the best for my voice to change it thank you very much

Now, this was amusing enough in and of itself. My first impulse was to hit the "Delete" key, since I knew where this was going, but that's just not right. So, instead, I thought a little feeler would be safe. I replied:

You want to look at Discord 2. It can do crazy voice effects.

So, about ten minutes later, I get the following:

How can I get it and can it work with pro tool

And what crazy voice effect it has

Okay. Ummmm. Where do I go with that? I thought it best to nip this right in the bud, because I'm a helpful person (as many of you know that have written the AD or AI contact lines with obtuse/obscure questions, and been rewarded with a 4K missive on some topic or another) but, well, you have to draw the line. So I send back:

I'm sorry, but our products don't work with ProTools.

Now, I know that isn't strictly true, but the other half of the company thought it would be mean to sick him on Angus and FXpansion, and, well, you know. Anyways, a couple minutes later, I'm blessed with the following:

Can I use them on a pc

And how do I use it

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, give me strength. I'm afraid to reply to that one, and it is 8:00pm on Saturday, after all. Where would you go with that?



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Oct.15.2006 @ 6:05 PM
Yeah them puppies are favored by the security field for voice disguise. Specifically that model for the supposedly "gender voice bender". Never heard one in action though.

Oct.15.2006 @ 7:41 PM
why don't you refer the guy to diamond dave? they sort of speak the same language.

Oct.15.2006 @ 9:16 PM
right. thus my suggestion to send him to the new, outsourced, belize-based, AD tech support center...

Oct.15.2006 @ 10:54 PM
Yo, Sex Rhino,
If memory serves, (I'm way not into researching it right now), the original VT-1 would attach to the phone, could be totally wrong though.

Oct.16.2006 @ 1:06 AM
"right. thus my suggestion to send him to the new, outsourced, belize-based, AD tech support center..."

guess i missed that. diamond dave refs are only slightly less funny when they are redundant. :)


Oct.16.2006 @ 8:43 AM
I'd be a jerk and advise him to buy a Sherman Filterbank :}

Oct.16.2006 @ 12:25 PM
Best to cut these types of requests off early, otherwise they turn into something resembling

link [bau2.uibk.ac]">link [bau2.uibk.ac.at]


Oct.16.2006 @ 1:48 PM
Thanks for keeping our sanity in mind ;) . Maybe try to pre-empt the next few emails, send a bunch of info that'll give some bigger picture. There is the question of if you care anymore haha . Keep the sanity mate .



Oct.16.2006 @ 3:22 PM
support is an occupation which requires the utmost patience.

without patience, i would never be able to handle conversations like.....

me - "okay well somehow you've corrupted these files, so lets move them out of this directory so the software will recreate them when you launch it. So what i need you to do is move them to the desktop..."

customer - "how do i do that?"

me - "well, let's start by creating a folder on your desktop"

customer - "right... and how do i do that?"

utmost patience!!!!!!!!!!


Oct.16.2006 @ 10:01 PM
I was at Quiznos today, and the guy in front of me in business clothes asks his friend, "do they sell sandwiches here?" The girl half-laughed just enough not to be rude. The guy gets up to the counter, and asks the guy, "Hello, do you sell sandwiches?"

I mean, even if he was illiterate, there were pictures everywhere. And would an illiterate guy need to be wearing a tie?


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