October 14, 2006

Tales from the depths of customer support, Rd. 2 (Fight!)

by Chris Randall

Okay, I know I said in the last go-round that I wouldn't actually put e-mails up from customers, but this is too odd/good to pass up. Plus, judging from the tenor, it's incredibly unlikely the customer in question reads this blog. Anyways, the wife and I went up to Portland today, and when I got back, sitting in the queue was this:

Witch one of your items

Is good for changing your
Voice and also djing because I like to sound crazy on a track I want my voice to sound very crazy I did find the right software yet

Can you please call me on my cell #XXX-XXX-XXXX

Ps the best for my voice to change it thank you very much

Now, this was amusing enough in and of itself. My first impulse was to hit the "Delete" key, since I knew where this was going, but that's just not right. So, instead, I thought a little feeler would be safe. I replied:

You want to look at Discord 2. It can do crazy voice effects.

So, about ten minutes later, I get the following:

How can I get it and can it work with pro tool

And what crazy voice effect it has

Okay. Ummmm. Where do I go with that? I thought it best to nip this right in the bud, because I'm a helpful person (as many of you know that have written the AD or AI contact lines with obtuse/obscure questions, and been rewarded with a 4K missive on some topic or another) but, well, you have to draw the line. So I send back:

I'm sorry, but our products don't work with ProTools.

Now, I know that isn't strictly true, but the other half of the company thought it would be mean to sick him on Angus and FXpansion, and, well, you know. Anyways, a couple minutes later, I'm blessed with the following:

Can I use them on a pc

And how do I use it

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, give me strength. I'm afraid to reply to that one, and it is 8:00pm on Saturday, after all. Where would you go with that?



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Oct.14.2006 @ 11:05 PM
this is where you give him the number digidesign. tell him to ask them...


Oct.14.2006 @ 11:07 PM
Looks like you might have to hunker down for a good long while with this one. I think you'll be hearing from him for weeks.

"So how do I turn the pc on?"


Oct.14.2006 @ 11:46 PM
Just refer the guy back the AD site, and don't respond past that. All the information he should need is there. If he needs info more general than that, it's all on the Internets and not hard to find. If he isn't resourceful enough to figure that out on his own, there's little you can accomplish even by answering all his questions.



Oct.15.2006 @ 12:07 AM
Been there, done that. Just give up now, it's only going to get worse.
Also, I bet that in a few months, this guy will send you a new email just like the first one -- people like this tend to forget they've already had a (fruitless) conversation with you, and they'll try to start it all over again.

Oct.15.2006 @ 12:20 AM
Another x in the "no" column for the whole "DJs are musicians, too" debate.

Oct.15.2006 @ 12:38 AM
Dj's are musicians, just not very good ones.

Oct.15.2006 @ 12:56 AM
perhaps you could send him along to your new, outsourced support staff in belize?

Oct.15.2006 @ 2:03 AM
Porco Rosso
Just tell him "If I were you, I'd by a digitech whammy pedal off of Ebay" and then put his name in the old junk mail filter.

Oct.15.2006 @ 3:33 AM
Here is a voice effect popular with some DJs:

link [www.zzounds.com]">link [www.zzounds.com]

Recommend that to him, and he will probably be happy. It is most likely the exact "voice to sound crazy" type effect he is looking for. And it works with Mac and PC, and with ProTools. :)


Oct.15.2006 @ 8:28 AM
So, you send the guy to that link, he decides it's exactly what he wants, and then begins demanding that you tell him which one of your plugins that is...

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