October 4, 2006

I swear to Christ...

by Chris Randall

I don't know if you watch Deadwood on HBO (and I'm fairly certain most of the foreign readers of this site will say "nope" to that) but the second to last episode of last season, there was occasion for one of the main characters to complain about a customer, and one of the other main characters says the following:

"Commerce. Every fucking hump above ground is your enemy."

Now, I'm not going to vent here about any Audio Damage customer in particular, except to say that I've just had a two-week long brawl with stupidity that boggles the imagination. Someone purchased a plugin, thinking that it does one thing, and in fairness, it does sort of do that one thing, but not really, you know? So he complains mightily, and I resist the urge to point out that if he wasn't so fucking stupid, he'd know what he was buying in the first place and not have these problems.

A metaphor wouldn't be out of place here. I'd liken it to purchasing a new car, because you need to keep your beer cold. A car _will_ keep your beer cold, to a certain extent, but it isn't very fucking good at it. It is, on the other hand, good for driving. You see where I'm going with that?

(That entire concept springs from the fact that my new car has a little refrigerator sort of thing in the glove compartment, but it only works when you're blasting the AC.) In any case, after an exchange of a dozen odd emails on this subject, the substance of which I won't bore you with here, I finally say "okay, fuck it." I offer a refund. Then comes another long go-round because the customer can't remember how he purchased the product, and can't manage to give me any information that I could possibly use to determine the fact on my own. Today, I got to the bottom of it, when I discovered that the customer in fact purchased the plugin almost exactly one year ago.

Like I said, I swear to Christ.

I mean, we're so liberal in our return policy it's almost ludicrous. But that's neither here nor there. At what point do you say "okay, enough. You're taking advantage of us?"



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Oct.04.2006 @ 5:03 AM
A full *year* to realise it wan't what he wanted? With the exception of Ronin, your plugs are very straightford to use...If you don't mind me asking, which plug was he talking about and what was he complaining it couldn't do?



Oct.04.2006 @ 7:05 AM
Press the KILL button, didnt he learn what the product DIDNT do in the demo download?

Oct.04.2006 @ 7:15 AM
Disregard unless it was Ronin. Still one year ? Fuck em..
I work for a company where a product is offered at a monthly fee. A man calls me requesting the product be repaired and his $ be refunded for the past 6 mos becuase it hasnt been working for the past 6 mos. We do have great return policy and are good at breaking a lil rule here and there for the customer, but 6 fucking mos ...CMON ,why didnt he call 6 mos ago when the problem first arised? Hope the lil personal story helps.

Oct.04.2006 @ 7:24 AM
Thanks to this thing called "the internet" some of us overseas people have seen Deadwood. But thats neither here nor there.

You just described exactly why I got out of doing any kind of business where I have to deal with the end users/customers. Too many people wont read, ask for special favors & discounts, manage to screwup payment even when provided with instructions with pictures, and then in the end cant operate the product even with FAQ pages. Dumber than a bag of rocks most of em.


Oct.04.2006 @ 8:40 AM
I always wondered if you guys had a time limit on your return policy. 30 days would be more than fair. There's generous and then there's bend over, you know.

What's funny is that in this kind of case, someone will inevitably say that not having a demo was at the root of not knowing what the plugin did, except there's that year of waiting that proves that no amount of demo could have washed the fuckwit out of this guy.

Nothing much good can be said for having to deal with customer relations, except that it pays the bills. I've done enough customer service work over the years to know that there is no end to some people's sense of entitlement.


Oct.04.2006 @ 8:53 AM
"We will bend over backwards for our customers, but never forwards."

Oct.04.2006 @ 9:09 AM
"I always wondered if you guys had a time limit on your return policy. 30 days would be more than fair. There's generous and then there's bend over, you know."


Audio Damage Return Policy:

Our Guarantee:
If you are unhappy with any of our products, we offer a full 100% no-questions-asked return and refund policy for 30 days from date of purchase. Simply contact us within 30 days and we will refund your credit card in full. You may exchange any of our products for another of equal value within 120 days of purchase."


Oct.04.2006 @ 9:46 AM
Aenemone Carbuncler
to even have a "return" policy on software is a rare thing these days. Normally you have give all your rights up just by opening the envelope that holds the disc.

Oct.04.2006 @ 9:47 AM
Seems like a lot of headaches go away (or reduce to minor throbs) if you'd articulate a time limit.

"30 day no questions asked return policy!" sounds overly fair.

That said, I've noticed two people make special exceptions for Ronin in their comments. Now I do own Ronin, and love it but what is special enough about it that people would call it out as a special case? Its depth/complexity?


Oct.04.2006 @ 11:01 AM
re Ronin; the exception I made was in reference to its being more complicated to use than other AD plugs - therefore it might take longer to asses its usefulness/capabilities (not a fucking year though ;) ...perhaps as a reflection of this or maybe because it is slightly more expensive, Ronin is the only AD plug in that has a demo, hence the "disgregard Ronin" comment (or so I assume).

On the subject of Ronin, I've demo'd it, was quite impressed but in the end didn't buy it. This was largely due to the cluttered interface. I know there is a lot going on there but it is just too small for me. Lacks contrast too I feel...If there was an update to the interface, maybe make it as big as 914 and brighter (a Discord 2 look would be great), I'd try it again... /pissing in the wind ;)



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