August 11, 2006

Dear God, what hath I wrought?

by Chris Randall
 

I know I said I was bored with this whole Diamond Dave thing in the last post, but seriously, what the fuck else is there to do on a Friday afternoon? I just got a nice pair of missives in my inbox. First this:


guess what im all most at your house.

this joke is on you.

and we I see you had to tell the police about your jokes.

the laugh is on you hwhehehwhw

im not laughing. see you in about 3 hours its a red eyed flight. cant wait to see you.

i know everything about you.

hhhhaaahhhahhaaa not laughing




Then this:


ps on the internet there has been folks even killed.

its a shame.that's a bloody shame.

look it up if you don't believe me.

hhhhaaahhha im no game.

you might have.

this I can laugh hhhhohhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh



So, I guess if I don't post tomorrow, you might want to go to the Statesman-Journal site, hit the police blotter, and see if there's something like "Local Man Inexplicably Attacked By Belizian Cyber-Ninjas!" or that ilk. Dave is no game, after all. I mean, fuck. Three hours from Belize City to Mill City? That's, like, really fucking fast. I dig that about him. He really is full of techno!


Quite frankly, it's kind of a let-down that he's sending this bullshit. I really would like to be there when he tried to explain to Barney Fife and his little buddies (I live in an extremely small town) what the purpose of his visit was. They'd be, like, "okay. Where's the meth lab?"

 
 
 

28 comments:

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Aug.12.2006 @ 12:20 PM
puffer
When I dug through the YouTube videos to catch up on all this I was most amused when at the end of one he announced, "Now let's make some music." He proceeded to punch play and up comes Roadhouse Blues. (This is groan-worthy for so many reason, the least of which is every goddamn bar-band I've ever heard played this goddamn song. Also, the Doors suck.) Then he starts to sing along with the vocal which is apparently something he wrote. It sounded to me he was just singing over the orginal track, but obviously not a hard song to copy.

Couldn't/didn't bother to hear what he was singing.

So, Chris, maybe he'll start distributing CDs of him ranting over SMG tracks.

Ooooh hear our song!!!

 
 

 
Aug.12.2006 @ 12:26 PM
Dave McAnally
Man it's too bad you can't see his first two vids (he took them down, perhaps a petition to get them back online is in order?). The hotel tour was a classic.

"This is the nicest hotel in the world....that I've ever stayed in"

and

"Have a nice day! I know I will!" (cue creepy pedophile-like grin)

 
 

 
Aug.12.2006 @ 2:08 PM
joe
Wow. What I'm finding most amusing is that his threats are so poorly written that I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even stand as evidence if you were to pursue litigation.

I *think* he's threatening you, but he might just as well be asking for directions to Wal-Mart or something.

So, in the later messages, is he trying to make you believe he's already been arrested for being an E-Thug?

Strange fellow that one.

--joe

ps. Diamond Dave: please don't contact me. My MSN's aren't working too well and they've been bouncing back internets to the sender. Also, I'm a no-talent ass-hack that can't be helped by your superior skills.

 
 

 
Aug.12.2006 @ 9:35 PM
RexRhino
I wouldn't recommend doing anything to mess with Diamond Dave... for all you know it could be some Analog Industries poster making a lame attempt at humor... or someone else with a beef trying to incriminate DD or make fun of him. And if his death threats were full of shit before (and basicly all death threats are full of shit, because if you planned on killing someone you wouldn't warn them ahead of time), when you actually start messing with a person's home or livelyhood, people might becoming dangerous for real.

Back when I was checking thousands of fan emails a day, I found the funniest thing to do for death threats was send them a "Thanks for the feedback and being a loyal fan!" form email. Nothing is more humiliating to someone sending death threats than to think that it is going straight into the garabage bin without being read.

 
 

 
Aug.12.2006 @ 10:08 PM
Chris Randall
DD's account was logged on posiNET the moment he signed up to post, and he was banned for all eternity. (If you're interested in a laugh, the screen name he chose for himself was "AdamJay-86" or some shit like that.) We vet all newcomers, because it's easier to do that than leave the sites idle for three days and come back and have 10 million advertisements for Cialis or 20 posts in a row from some bullshit idiot (e.g. Diamond Dave) going on about some drama or another.

So, there's no worries there. I've added his addresses to my Heluna blacklist, so I've effectively cut him off from being able to communicate with me, short of actually coming to my house, which he's too pussy to actually do, because "all hat no cattle" bitches like him never put their money where their mouth is.

(As an aside, for those not aware, Heluna is the absolutely fantastic email security suite we use. More info here: link [www.heluna.com]">link [www.heluna.com] and if you run your own server or mini-farm like we do for posiNET, strongly recommended. Think about this: my main email address is 12 years old, and I've posted on UseNET and web forums thousands of times, and I get basically no spam, virii, worms, whatever, on any of the six email addresses I use. Speaks volumes, there.)

-CR

 
 

 
Aug.12.2006 @ 10:23 PM
penzoil washington
well, he at least has shown the sense to delete his youtube stuff....maybe you should do him one final (if undeserved) service and kill all these threads. his entertainment value is by now completely exhausted anyway. and really, he has so little common sense that i would feel better if he were off your case.
 
 

 
Aug.13.2006 @ 1:20 PM
Dave McAnally
wha? Naw, Chris's response to Diamond Dave has to be one of the best monologues ever committed to writing.

'There's an easy solution to this: Stop being such a fucking idiot'

-god if I had a dime for every time I should have just used that phrase

 
 

 
Aug.17.2006 @ 1:07 PM
freecat
Who is Diamond Dave?
Cat wants to know?
 
 

 
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