August 11, 2006

Dear God, what hath I wrought?

by Chris Randall

I know I said I was bored with this whole Diamond Dave thing in the last post, but seriously, what the fuck else is there to do on a Friday afternoon? I just got a nice pair of missives in my inbox. First this:

guess what im all most at your house.

this joke is on you.

and we I see you had to tell the police about your jokes.

the laugh is on you hwhehehwhw

im not laughing. see you in about 3 hours its a red eyed flight. cant wait to see you.

i know everything about you.

hhhhaaahhhahhaaa not laughing

Then this:

ps on the internet there has been folks even killed.

its a shame.that's a bloody shame.

look it up if you don't believe me.

hhhhaaahhha im no game.

you might have.

this I can laugh hhhhohhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

So, I guess if I don't post tomorrow, you might want to go to the Statesman-Journal site, hit the police blotter, and see if there's something like "Local Man Inexplicably Attacked By Belizian Cyber-Ninjas!" or that ilk. Dave is no game, after all. I mean, fuck. Three hours from Belize City to Mill City? That's, like, really fucking fast. I dig that about him. He really is full of techno!

Quite frankly, it's kind of a let-down that he's sending this bullshit. I really would like to be there when he tried to explain to Barney Fife and his little buddies (I live in an extremely small town) what the purpose of his visit was. They'd be, like, "okay. Where's the meth lab?"



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Aug.12.2006 @ 1:33 AM
wow Chris, you're really "taking one for the team" now.

I kinda miss my daily death threats now.


Aug.12.2006 @ 1:43 AM
>> Three hours from Belize City to Mill City? That's, like, really fucking fast.

>> I've received 14 death threats from Diamond Dave now.

Have you completely forgotten about the private jets and bodyguards DiamondDave103? has access to?

After all, he is the real thing! he's got a printer and he's not afraid to print out your contact info and send them to his lawyer who can easily "internet" you to the underground MSN networks in Isreal and there's a good chance of you getting sued _and_ "recorded" in the court system... Man, you're messing with the wrong person!

>> In fact, I submit that a prize would be in order for the first person to provide the Analog Industries audience with an MP3 of a recorded phone conversation where you call this guy and say you want to break big, and what can he do for you?

What AdamJay did was kinda different, but he ended up providing two priceless MP3s. If you're up for giving him a free Reverence license, half of it would be on me!



Aug.12.2006 @ 1:59 AM
no doubt, this guy can dup-a-cate up to 1 million CDs, folks!
surely he can make it in under 3 hours to your house.

don't underestimate anyone whose Roland digital multi-track records analog! Hobbits can't even fuck with that kind of magic.


Aug.12.2006 @ 3:01 AM
Chris, you're in danger. Dave's got access to charts and is loaded with techno. :-D

Dave obviously reads this blog. So:

Dave has taken some white stuff again. Naughty Dave. Now go back to school and learn to write.

And while you're there, Dave, stay there a bit longer so that you do your exams, then get a real job, get a life - and eventually you might even get some pussy as well. (Which I doubt, you being such a dickhead, but if you manage to stay away from the washing powder, something good could come your way.)

It's up to you. On the other hand, you could continue and amuse us even more with your fucked-up/coked-up loser babbling - which is actually very, very, funny. As I said, it's very much up to you.

But fuck, man, you're less than nothing. Honor your mother: start behaving like a decent, grown-up man. Mama doesn't love you now. Mama wants to slap you and punch your teeth down your throat. Mama wants to grab your balls and twist them until you cry like a little girl. Right now she would kick your ass.


Aug.12.2006 @ 3:19 AM
>> don't underestimate anyone whose Roland digital multi-track records analog! Hobbits can't even fuck with that kind of magic.

You're gonna have to ponny up 5K (flat consultation fee!) and the "master engineer" will reveal the secrets of analog recording on a VS!!!

All that aside, speaking of a flat consultation fee makes me wanna worship guys like Trill and Bob K...



Aug.12.2006 @ 7:22 AM
It;s been over three hours. Has Diamond Dave shown up yet?

Didn't think so.



Aug.12.2006 @ 9:32 AM
Are you dead now?

Aug.12.2006 @ 10:59 AM
Dave McAnally
Holy shit Diamond Dave is on the hunt!!
link []">link []


Aug.12.2006 @ 11:35 AM
Chris Randall
No pipe bombs for me, sorry to say. This fucknut is, as usual, all hat no cattle.

That said, he's sending me lyrics now. In truth, I think I'd prefer the pipe bomb. A sample:

"fighting for freedom fighting for glory.
this is our song so listen to the story.
makes no diffrents if you right or wrong.
were soldiers of war oooh hear our song."

I guess he's working for Toby Keith now? Christ.



Aug.12.2006 @ 11:49 AM
I agree with nathankirchner on this one. DD is pathetic and laughable, but definitely missing some crucial screws in the cranium. If this freakazoid were loose in my town looking for me, I'd be a little nervous. His grasp on reality seems pretty tenuous. If I were you, I'd just stop responding to his infantile, neurotic attempts to communicate - it only fans the flames.

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