August 11, 2006

Diamond Dave, The Gift That Keeps On Giving...

by Chris Randall
 

So, if you read the comments of the last post, you know that Adam Jay got another voicemail, wherein the entire country of Belize has been disgraced, and is a "very serious matter." That's funny enough. But naturally, there's more.


I took my wife to the dentist this morning, and when I got back, I was rewarded with five "internets" from Dave. Here they are, in folio form, since I dig the whole "stream of consciousness" thing:


IM CALLING LAWERS


NOT AFTER Gearslutz

IM AFTER ADAMJAY

he is messing up your web page


look folks just need to lay off me.
I don't know anyone in here.
they don't know me.
yes im mad my lawyer got the info.
I want is peace just keep diamond studio off you web.
I think there playing word games
if Adam keeps up I will be forced to protect my company.
just like you would in yours.
im not breaking any laws just trying to keep my good hard working name..
let just keep a clean word or chat.
I want peace.
message from my lawyers
PLEASE TAKE ALL MESSAGE OFF OF DIAMOND STUDIO LTD. IF NOT WE WILL CONTACT MSN NETWORKS TO WORK SOMETHING OUT.
WEB PAGES CAN DO HARM TO OTHERS IN ANGER OR DAMAGES TO OTHER COMPANIES
WE WANT PEACE WITH THIS COMPANY AND ITS NOT YOU WERE AFTER YOUR COMPANY BUT THOSE WHO TREAT HARM IN DIAMOND STUDIO LTD.WE HAVE RIGHTS JUST LIKE YOU.


http://www.analogindustries.com/

IS GOING TO MSN


ok now I just heard my voice message on yaw page

funny but true

listen to it and see if im joking

adamjay is going to be in big trouble


Dave, since you're obviously reading this, let me help you out a little bit here: if you post something in the de facto public domain (e.g. YouTube) you give implied consent for it to be "shared." In case you're not aware, your idiotic representation of yourself in said public arenas was what engendered this whole thing in the first place.


"To make a long story short" there's an easy solution to all of this: stop being such a fucking idiot. I know that sounds harder than it is, but just put down the webcam. Seriously. You're only hurting yourself. I'm trying to help, here.


Some other quick tips: my "internets" have nothing whatsoever to do with MSN; I'm not sure where you got that idea. And the "Prime Minister Of Belize City?" Last I checked, Belize City had a mayor, so I'm not entirely sure you're barking up the right tree there. I think you might be confusing "prime minister" with "coke dealer." Just a thought.


UPDATE: Shit. I didn't notice the six other messages that were in my spam filter. Apparently, I have two hours. Until what, I'm not sure. If this site is replaced with an MSN domain parking notice at 1:13pm PST, I guess we'll know.


UPDATE 2 Okay, I'm starting to get bored with this. It's fun to poke someone who can't take a joke, but you can make fun of a retard all you want, and at the end of the day, he's still a retard. This just came in:


now you have crossed the line
now your messing with me but I got bigger plain for a bully.
its called well open your door see who calling you.
maybe its ohhhhhh the law.
stop messing with me last chance bully.


Ironically, I'm usually the one sticking up for the little guy, trying to keep 'em from falling prey to parasites like this. So, there you have it. I've gone too far.

 
 
 

26 comments:

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Aug.11.2006 @ 4:00 PM
john_o
Wow, talk about a drug-fueled downward spiral. It's reminding me of Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas, trying to outrun the imaginary helicopters.
 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 4:03 PM
Chris Randall
Hey, those helicopters were _real_!

-CR

 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 4:10 PM
john_o
that's right! it just goes to show that just because you're paranoid, it don't mean someone's not out to get you, in a helicopter...
 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 4:34 PM
razielpanic
one word, man...

Schadenfreude.

 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 4:41 PM
Muller
What would be the slander liability of producing some very nice Diamond Dave T-shirts?
 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 4:55 PM
Bjorn Vayner
He's diamond dave and you're not!!

;-)

Four measures of diamond dave week?

 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 5:04 PM
Chris Randall
"What would be the slander liability of producing some very nice Diamond Dave T-shirts?"

Dude, the government of Belize would come down on you like a ton of fucking bricks because they got Dave's back.

However, as it turns out, the government of Belize has absolutely zero to do with the United States. So I'd say knock yourself out. However, don't come cryin' to me when a crack squad of Belizian commando-ninjas break down your door.

-CR

 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 5:12 PM
neilium
"What would be the slander liability of producing some very nice Diamond Dave T-shirts?"

Parody is protected free speech. Go nuts.

 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 5:47 PM
Dave McAnally
Sign me up, I'd buy two!

Maybe have that coked out look from the second You Tube vid with the caption "We will _NOT_ take amatuers!"

or maybe
"INTERNET DOWNLOADING CAPABILITIES!"

Oh man, the captions could go on and on

 
 

 
Aug.11.2006 @ 6:00 PM
shamann
For me it'd be "Motu. M O 2, man!"
 
 

 
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