July 11, 2006

Are you fucking kidding me?

by Chris Randall
 



Take everything you ever knew about fucktards in the music industry and just throw it out the window. This guy trumps all. The bit that cracks me up is the "up to $900,000" music tour. (Music tour?) When SMG was at its height, c. 96/97, our burn rate on the road was about $300K a month. And that was ten years ago. And we sure as FUCK didn't have any "five star" accomodations. Mostly we slept on the bus. This cat is fucking offensive. But on the bright side, he does have Internet Downloading Capabilities. Maybe he'll see this and challenge me to some mano a mano fisticuffs or something. (Thanks, bringmeup, for ruining my night.)


BUT WAIT: Check it. This fucknut has a real live website. Dear sweet baby jesus. I couldn't help but hit the photo gallery of Diamond Dave's big budget million dollar private-jet havin' studio. Remember that guy that had the "pro studio built around an i30"? That guy had pretty nice kit compared to Dave. Now, I'm not gonna begrudge someone their project studio, and in this business, perception is 9/10 of the package, but still and all, you gotta draw the line between fudging a bit and out-and-out bullshit.

We are currently looking for partners, investors
there is no risk factor.
company is honest and truthful.


Yeah? How 'bout I give ol' Butch a call and see how he liked his Diamond Dave experience?

 
 
 

59 comments:

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Jul.11.2006 @ 1:48 PM
dm
spoken in seinfeld voice:

what is the deal with wrestlers and threatening people with homosexual rape anyway...

link [www.youtube.com]">link [www.youtube.com]

 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 2:21 PM
Muller
Did he call himself a "Master Engineer"? I didn't know the jedi still gave out that title to guys that put pictures of Digi 002 units on their website to entice potential customers.
 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 3:42 PM
ecallender
This comment is a world class comment. It is written professionally by a professional people. I am using top computer keyboard to type this comment on. We are master comment typer also experienced in handwriting and hieroglyphic stone-carving. Uh, also, advanced cuneiform. Typing is 58,000 in Camel Cash. We have access to top blogs with high 9600 baud uplinks in Mongolia City. Rock on, earthlings.
 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 5:16 PM
Matt
I'm really curious about this guy. Does anyone have any more info on him? His little smirks and snorts enrage me. This is by far the most annoying fucktard yet.
 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 6:21 PM
Chris Randall
Give him a call. I'll bet you anything he'll tell you all you want to know.

In fact, I submit that a prize would be in order for the first person to provide the Analog Industries audience with an MP3 of a recorded phone conversation where you call this guy and say you want to break big, and what can he do for you?

Of course, if he's seen this, it'll take all the fun out of it, but like I was recently told by someone that knows, they can't punch you through the phone, right?

-CR

 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 7:02 PM
Matt
I'd do it, but I'm sure that it would be too much for me to handle and it'd make me feel bad later. However, I'd love to have a good laugh at his expense if someone else were to fuck with him. That makes me only 60% evil.
 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 7:20 PM
synthetic
I really hope you do a "Fucktard of the Year" competition at the end of the year. This guy would certainly be among the nominees. You could recap the five top contenders and we could all vote. Then we could all chip in for some commemorative placque or something. Yeah, that's it, one that looks like a cheap knockoff of a gold record or an MBox.
 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 8:28 PM
americanjunky
One of "Diamond Dave's" work phone numbers has an Little Rock Ark. area code, I'm no cartographer but I believe Little Rock is a little North of Belize.

master eng. we work with the best. honest hard working. just want to make all the artist happy. life is short so lets rock it. the best way. make money for you is the most important thing.that what we do.

 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 9:33 PM
BringMeUp
Oh man! Diamond Dave's just non-stop. Here's another jem that makes me wanna kill myself:

link [www.youtube.com]">link [www.youtube.com]

- BMU

 
 

 
Jul.11.2006 @ 9:59 PM
BringMeUp
Here I go again! obviously, I meant "gem", I always make this stupid mistake and blame it on Steve Vai and his signature series.

- BMU

 
 

 
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