December 8, 2005

Hard-Core Gear Porn Friday!!!

by Chris Randall
 



I don't know whether to thank Dave Copeland for sending me such an obvious Hard Core Gear Porn link, or chastise him for looking at such a travesty in the first place. This studio, which belongs to contemporary Christian musician Tom Gross is as middle-of-the-road boring as a studio can be. It's really quite sad, and an excellent example of how bad things can get when a musician doesn't do drugs, drink, or smoke.


I mean, hey, whatever gets you through the day, and an ASCAP check for play on CCM stations spends the same as one for play on MTV's The Real World, I guess. But I've never seen a studio with so much stuff in it I didn't want. It's really quite amazing. This is like the keyboard section of a store that specializes in band instruments. (You know the ones I mean, when you're playing in LaCross, Wisconsin, and your drummer is on his last pair of sticks, and you find a store that has Vic Firth 2B, but they're like $7.00 a pair, but the place is right across the street from the club, so what are you gonna do? Yeah, that place. You know the one I'm talking about.)


So, seriously, if you know this guy, go over to his house and put out a cigarette on his carpet. Or something. This is just out of hand. He's managed to assemble a complete studio of _bad_ Roland gear. It's weird, because Roland has put out so much good stuff, it's hard to avoid. But this guy figured out a way. And TWO MACKIE BOARDS!!! Fuck. It's like pissing in the wind. It really is.

 
 
 

29 comments:

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Dec.08.2005 @ 11:57 PM
synthetic
Two soprano saxophones is enough to put him in the hall of shame.
 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 12:18 AM
tom vx
[quote]It's really quite sad, and an excellent example of how bad things can get when a musician doesn't do drugs, drink, or smoke.[/quote]

i don't know- the middle kid in this picture (link [www.tomgross.co...]">link [www.tomgross.co...]) looks like he's lighting up some sort of wacky pipe...

seriously though- as uninspiring as that studio is, don't you wonder what would happen if you were put into some sort of gear purgatory and HAD to make the best album you could with that? it's interesting (and a bit painful) to think about...

 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 1:00 AM
okpokp
in an amusing twist of irony, all the google targeted ads are for mackie mixers. :D
 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 3:45 AM
saddamhussein
Damn right ! just looking at this pic and I feel like going to bed for a 100 years. Tell him to get himself some good old Roland gear at www.analogjapan.com
They are expensive but at least, he'll discover (too late ?) what FUN means. Turn some knobs Dude ! instead of polishing yours hahaha
 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 8:02 AM
Wade Alin
I worked for a guy in New York that had a similar setup except he had an API lunchbox (he wasn't christian either, maybe that permitted the damnable transistors of an API). He was doing the music for "Muppets From Space." Wish I was kidding but I'm not.
 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 8:09 AM
Jaysen
How fucking funny! Well, you don't really expect contemporary xtian artists to be mucking around with MOTMs or a tabletop full of synthis or oberheims do ya? Maybe i shouldnt have said that- there's probably gonna be some doofus right now that just got an idea in his head that he needs to play Moog for God.
 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 8:23 AM
giantm
Wow. You're right. The only piece of gear I would want is the Alpha Juno 2, but I already have an Alpha Juno 1 and an MKS-50 (I do have a strange weekness for Junos)... This finally explains who buys/bought all that mid to late 90s Roland crap.
 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 11:03 AM
dm
Are you guys high? The Roland MC-80 freeking rulez! Can anyone give us a rundown of what they see here? There are a couple of pieces I can't trainspot.
 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 11:29 AM
Chris Randall
There's a gear list here:

link [www.tomgross.co...]">link [www.tomgross.co...]

I stopped reading at the list of expansion cards for the XV-5080, because I fell asleep. For extra fun, here's the lyrics of one of his songs:

"Sky above, Earth below
Traveling out to vast unknown to greet me silently
Systems fine, look good
Unfamiliar neighborhood, escaping gravity"

I liked it better the first time when David Bowie sang it. I was even okay with the second time when Peter Schilling ran it through a paper shredder. But I draw the line...

I should really make it clear that it hurts me to make fun of people like this, and I only do this to myself in the interests of the greater good. But when the first link on someone's home page goes to Billy Graham.com, well, that's just asking for trouble.

-CR

 
 

 
Dec.09.2005 @ 1:20 PM
cacealian
This brings back horrible memories of the early 90s, the days of rompler hell.
 
 

 
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